In Memory of Memaw

I am more proud then I can say to announce that my mom completed a half marathon a couple of weeks ago. She ran in memory of my grandmother who passed away in April of Alzheimer's. I am more proud of her then I could ever express in words and wanted to share this with all of you guys. My sister ran most of the way with her just to coach her through this amazingly difficult task. Mom finished 9th out of over 50 runners in her age bracket. She totally beat her goal time. Here are some of her words:

"The rain started about 1 minute into my run and continued throughout the trek but 13.1 miles and 2 hours and 9 minutes later, I crossed the finish line. The most gruesome, taxing but most awesome things I have ever done on a personal level. The last two miles were the hardest not only physically but mentally but I felt Mom's spirit with me. I just kept reminding myself of the struggles she endured and told myself that if she could do it, I can too....and I did it!!"

I love you mom and am so proud to call you my mom.

Halloween

Just thought you guys might like to see Greg and Bella in their costumes. We have a cute little Tinkerbell and a freaky bad guy who must have lost his last fight from the looks of him. I guess I should be thankful he wanted to dress up at all. Next year he will probably think he is too cool. I can't believe these are all the pictures I took! It was such a busy night that I just forgot. We went trick or treating then had some friends over for a fire in the fire pit. We roasted some marshmellows, hot dogs, and had some apples with caramel! It was yummy. Wish you were hear!

First Pumpkin Carving

You will have to excuse all my pictures and stories but we are going to have a year full of firsts and I want to document them all! The day after we got our pumpkins from the pumpkin patch we carved them, of course. Greg was totally excited about this. He researched his design on line and being the artist he is took his time making it perfect. He made a Fox symbol on his pumpkin which is one of his favorite scater clothing brands. Ryan made his smiling pumpkin face and let Greg do a Bears logo on the other side of his. I put some crosses on mine but first had to help Bella with hers. She wanted a spider. We had a great time together and lined them up the stairs to the porch which looked really cool at night:)

Pumpkin Works

We have this great place nearby called Pumpkin Works which is open only in the fall. It has all kinds of fun fall activities including pumpkin sling shots, hayrides, carriage rides, a huge pumpkin patch, and every type of maze you can think of (corn maze, hay maze, spider maze. It is really cool. So we took the kids last week and had a blast. We did some of the mazes together.


Greg wanted to do some of the hay mazes with him but I was reluctant. If you don't know what a hay maze is let me enlighten you. It is a huge mound of hay which has a maze running through it which means the paths of the maze are completely enclosed and VERY narrow. It is freaky! At first when we went in with our little lights I had to do some serious mind control not to scream and freak out. Greg was fearless, of course and had a blast. After a little bit I got used to it thought and even went in a second one. I would not. however go in the one where you could only crawl because the opening was so small. Greg went in that one alone and didn't come out for 45 minutes! Yeah, no thank you. While we did the mazes Ryan and Bella went to the toddler area where Bell got to play in a big box of corn and pet animals. She loves the animals of course.

Later we took a hay ride to the pumpkin patch and got some awesome pumpkins. Greg wanted to biggest one he could find and Bella wanted the smallest "baby pumpkin" she could find.

Traveling with Kids

We traveled with the kids by car to Texas last week for my brothers wedding. I will give more info about the wedding and pictures in later entries but I felt the traveling process earned itself it's own special entry. We decided to drive in stead of fly. We rented a large SUV so we could have plenty of room for the trip. One of the reasons we decided not to fly was because the expense for the four of us would have been crazy. But more then that I find that when we travel with the kids we have to bring a ridiculous amount of stuff. I swear we packed a forth of our belongings! We have to bring the usual clothes, toiletries and shoes but in addition we have to have sleeping supplies, medicines, bath toys, sippy cups, stroller, snacks, backpacks with school work, toys for the hotel as well as things for the 14-16 hour car ride, diaper bag, car seat, pack and play and anything else we might need for every possible occasion and catastrophe. The whole packing process is enough to kill me! The huge car we rented was packed down. I can imagine us dragging all of that stuff into the air port and up to the counter only to be told it would be an extra $300 in baggage prices!

So we packed one stroller, one pack and play, one carseat, 5 pillows, four blankets, one lap tray, 13 bags and four people in the SUV and were ready to go. We breathed the "the" sigh of relief and exhaustion (this is the same sigh that happens every time we finally get everyone and everything in the car to go somewhere). We finally got on the highway two hours past our planned time of departure. Nine miles down the highway we heard the first dreaded words........."Mommy, I need to go potty." Ahhhh! Already! After that we stoped about 8 more times for the potty that day. It seemed like 800, though as we were tyring to get to Texarcana where we planned to have a sit down dinner, and let the kids swim at the hotel pool before before we had to go to bed. Everytime we stopped Greg wanted to check out the gas station which you would think was a gallaria shopping mall. The first time we took a trip he spent all of his spending money at the gas stations on the way there. He is so hillarious.

The kids actually did really well in the car, though. Praise the Lord for the invention of the portable DVD player!!!! A MUST HAVE for anyone traveling with kids. They could watch that thing all day if I let them. We turned that thing on and it was more quiet then I ever remember. I finally layed my head down on my pillow to take a much needed nap after the last few days of getting ready for the trip and sleep was comming fast......"MOMMY WAKE UP!!!" "DON'T SLEEP MOMMY!!!" I have no idea why but Bella does not like me to sleep when she is not sleeping. This happened several times on the trip. I was thrilled.

Amazingly, we roled into Texarcana at 6. it helped that we had forgotten about ganging an hour when we changed time zones. The hotel was nice but it was a huge let down that Texas temps wer unusually cool which made the pool freezing. But the boys still decided to get in the hot tub. We got all dressed to go in only to find that it was broken and also freezing. Oh, well.

So Thursday came and we were all excited to get to Dallas. We set off for our three hour drive. I put a movie in for Bella and Greg was asked to work on some homework for all the days he is missing. Greg is a carbon copy of me when I was his age as we both have ADHD and have difficulty stying on task. As usual he kept finding things to distract him from his work. Greg was trying to get my attention to show me something. As I looked back to see what he was trying to show me I realized what he was doing too late. All of a sudden the dome light came on and the car started beeping, announcing that a door was ajar! Yeah, we were going 75 on the highway at the time and Greg had decided he would show me how the door wouldn't open if he was holding it shut. Yeah, we pulled over immediately and he got a good lecture. He honestly didn't think it would open. Yeah, Greg, why would the car open if you pull the handle? That is crazy! We ragged on him for the rest of the trip.

We finally got to Dallas without killing each other at 12:00. I breathed a sigh of relief!

5 months

I can't believe it has been five months since the kids joined our family! At the same time I can hardly remember life without them. Things have continued to go so well with the transition for everyone. Greg started back to school a couple of weeks ago so he is now in the sixth grade! It really feels weird to have a preteen. We are struggling a little with the increase in homework and the difficulty of the schoolwork but he is staying tough and it done. Greg is also on the football team. It is a huge time commitment and tons of work on his part but he is LOVING it. I was so proud to see him playing today in the game. I am hopelessly stupid when it comes to football but I do my best to keep up with what is going on. He plays defensive tackle and his coach told him this week that he is the best defensive tackle on the team right now. Of course, I am biased but I think he looks great out there on the field. Today he was able to get the ball when it was fumbled from the other team. That probably has some kind of football term but I don't know what it is. I didn't have to understand anything to know it was good though because Greg jumped on the field with the ball and leaped in victory back to the sidelines where he high-fived his coach! It was great to watch him so excited! Of course Ryan is ecstatic that he has a son who loves football just like he did.
Bella who was officially potty trained at the end of June was able to graduate to the big girl class at preschool. She did pretty well with the transition and loves her new teacher, Mrs. Libby. We will be starting KinderMusic next week. For those of you who have never heard of it, it is basically a music class for children birth - 7. At Bella's age I go with her. The class uses music, instruments and movement. The class is really beneficial for development, moto skills, bonding and of course learning all about music. I went to the parent orientation last week and got the CD of music we will be using this year. Bella loves it. We have been dancing around in the kitchen when I cook dinner each night making up silly things to the music. I can't wait to see what she does in class. She is also set to begin her first Ballet class in September. I know we are going to be busy with all of these activites but I know the kids love them so much we are going to try it and see how it goes. Regardless, it will be a fun ride:)

Greif Continued

It is strange how grief works. After a lifetime of memories with someone we go to only days of funeral proceedings (if that), before resuming our everyday life again. It just doesn't seem to be enough to honor those we love. It is weird how much it seems to make us forget sometimes when we get all wrapped up in everyday life again. There are times you forget your sorrow. The extent of this depends on how often you were around your lost loved one before they passed. Obviously, I did not see my grandmother very much since I moved to Indiana four years ago so when I came back from the funeral it was easy for me to throw myself back into my busy life with plenty of things to distract me from the hole inside. But it was still there…….waiting to be noticed. Then when I least expect it the hole makes itself known, usually triggered by some kind of smell, sound or sight. Seeing a group of older women having lunch together reminds me of her and how she loved to socialize. I pictured her with her purse on her arm having lunch with her girlfriends. I can see her smiling in my head as she laughs and eats something sweet. I will be at church as the familiar notes of a new hymn begin. I can see her singing out as she stands in the pew. She wasn’t gifted with a great voice but that didn’t matter. It makes me laugh to remember her listening to my ipod a couple of years ago and see her as she sang so loud with the head phones on. I have no idea what song it was but she was having a blast. The quilt she made me is on my bed. It has the little tag saying, “Made with love by Grandmother”. In every room of my house there are traces of her even though she never was able to see my house. I have a picture of her and I in the living room. I love that picture. It is the love and kindness in her eyes. The picture captured it so well. I can remember just what her hands and feet look like and how she walked. But every time I think of any of these things I feel that emptiness and it makes me sad. I wonder when these memories will make me happy. Isn’t that what is suppose to happen after a while? But right now I never feel anything but pain when I think of her. Whenever I think of Memaw it inevitable makes me remember Pepaw and I feel the crushing pain of worry creep in. Thinking of him in the house alone every night. Is he lonely, sad, crying? I HATE that I can’t be there to be with him. I pray hard that God will bring him peace and remind him of all the people that love him. I think the hardest thing is when I think of how much she would have loved Bella. She, ofcourse, would have loved Greg also but she would have loved the little girl in Bella. I tell Bella about her and show her pictures but it grieves me so much that she will never get to meet her great grandmother who was so special and important to me. She never will really understand. Memaw would have loved to make her clothes, shop for her, snuggle with her and sing songs with her. And Bella would have loved her. It is my biggest regret that I was not able to give her a grandchild before she died. I know it is no fault of mine but I can’t help but be a little annoyed with God that He didn’t let her at least meet Bella and Greg.

I know so many of you guys have lost loved ones. I know we can never really completely understand each others circumstances but I feel that I empathize with you in a whole new way. I get it….I really do and there are no words to say that will truly describe the depth of the feeling. I miss her so much it hurts like nothing I have ever experienced. But just when I start to feel the hole of hopelessness I remember I will see her again. I can’t believe I actually forget that sometimes. I think it is this world. It seems to pull me into itself and make me forget the bigger picture…the end of the story. I know that Jesus will care for me and I know He is taking care of her now. There is truly nothing else that could comfort me but the knowledge of Him at this moment. Praise you Lord, thank you for your everlasting presence and omniscient strength. Without it I would surly die of a broken heart.

Adoption

Hey Guys!
I know it have been forever since I have posted anything but seriously life has been crazy! Although sometimes I am so tired I feel like I just might die, I am totally loving being a mom. Nothing could have prepared me for this. I am totally and completely in love with my two children! I am so annoyed that I can't post pictures on my blog to show them off but as I said before we are not allowed to publish any until they are officially adopted.

Adoption update:
A lot of people have asked us when the adoption will go through. OK, first of all you can all go ahead and act as if it has already happened because in our hearts these kids were adopted before we even met them. I know that has to sound weird but we committed to God and ourselves that we would see this through no matter what happens. And it seems that God has blessed that commitment because we have been so blessed by Greg and Bella in so many ways. Our dreams of having a family have really come true, and so quickly! So for all intensive purposes they are already adopted in our hearts. But legally they still are in the custody of the state and we want to make sure we remedy that as soon as possible. We were told that we can not start the process until they have been with us for 6 months. However, we have already started the research for it. We want to make sure the kids get everything they qualify for in terms of college and other benefits. Especially Greg who will need to think about college in 6 years! Wow, that is scary! We are working with the CASA worker and will be appointed a lawyer when the time comes to make sure everything goes smoothly. I can't give any specific times lines or anything but I would think that we would have everything finalized within the year. That seems long in many ways but we also want to take emotional concerns into cosideration, especially for Greg. We want to make sure he is ready.

I will make sure to send updates about the adoption as it happens. If you want to see some pictures please let me know and I can email you some:)

Hope you are all doingwell:)

Tribute To Memaw

For those of you who don't know my grandmother went to be with the Lord this past Friday. I went to Texas to be with my family but I didn't get there in time to see he one last time. I take comfort in the fact that she was surrounded by family and friends who loved her and had prayed only three minutes before that the Lord would take her into His presence. Memaw is now worshiping at the feet of Jesus. She is whole, complete, healthy and happier then she ever could have been here on earth.

There are so many things I will remember about my precious grandmother. Most of all I will remember that she was always praying for me and reminding me to go to the Lord with my burdens and stay close to Him in times of good and bad. Her marriage to my grandfather was one which I try to mimic everyday. Once I told her, "I want to find a husband just like Pepaw." She responded, " Oh, honey, you will never find anyone like your Pepaw, he is one of a kind."

Memaw was always a hands on grandmother. The first ten years of my life I lived just streets away from her. She saw us almost everyday as we went to her home after school was out since it was donw the street. before she would get home we would always raid the fridge and pantry until she told us she was going to count the lunch meat and would know if we ate any. HA! I wonder if she really did. We both had the same love for water and she taught me how to swim, dive off the diving board, and do the "american crawl", as she called it(freestyle). She was always cooking and sewing. I remember having to stand for what seemed like forever as she pinned me into beautiful outfits she was making for me. She made the best pies, always carried andy's mints, and LOVED to shop. We always made the joke that only Memaw could find a way to fill a shopping bag at the closest gas station. It didn't matter how much older she was you, she could out shop you! Memaw loved to her me sing. Her and Pepaw are truely the reason I continue to use me voice to praise God today. If not for them I would have let the world keep me from understanding that God can use our gifts even when we don't think there is a gift there to use. We don't have to have the best voice, just an open heart to be led by Him.

There was something special about my relationship with my grandmother. Something between just her and I. In many ways she was my biggest fan and I am feeling like she took a big part of me with her, leaving me part empty. I am finding the world is much less appealing without her here. It is as though my family makes up a thick armor around me and her piece of it has been lost. Now I feel vulnerable where she used to stand. I know that sounds silly, especially since I know that Jesus is my ultimate protector who will never leave me. I guess it is just that my family has created my pesonal safety zone in this lost world and loosing one of them to Heaven makes me feel that bubble has burst a little so that this world is even that more scary. i feel special loss that I was never able to give her ggreat greandchildren. It seems cruel even that God would give me children just weeks before she died, never allowing her to meet them. I know God has a plan but at this moment I can't help but be confused as to why He would allow this. What I do know is that Memaw would have loved them. I will try to send them her love through me. She loved me so much, that is something she never would let me forget.

She was my precious grandmother and what a wonderful grandmother she was. I will always miss her and I will let her legacy live through me as I teach it to my children. I will always love you Memaw and I will see you again on the other side of eternity.

Has it really been a month?!

Tomorrow will be Greg and Bella's one month anniversary with us. I can't believe it has already been one month. I already can't imagine life without them. Good thing we won't have to since they will never have to leave. We can't wait until we can adopt them. It will be at least 6 months since that is the minimum but in our hearts they are already adopted.

Greg has started school and is doing really well per his teacher. He is making a lot of friends and seems to be quite the popular guy (even with the ladies as more than one girl in the school has a crush on the "new guy"). We will have his middle school orientation in a couple of weeks. Ah, they grow up so fast...hehe :) I feel myself wanting to take advantage of every minute with them. I have missed out on so many years i don't want to miss anything else. I hate having to leave them everyday but another part of me is glad to go to work. It is a weird dynamic. We are trying to get Greg enrolled onto a baseball team but think it may be too late. I am praying he can get on his friend, Noah's, team but I can't get the coach to call me back. He also wants to get some guitar lessons and golf lessons.

Bella started preschool as well and has adjusted in many ways even though she would much rather stay home with "mommy". Yeah, they are both calling us mom and dad already. I love it! We are working on the potty training with the help of the preschool. It is going well I think. She now will sit on her potty at regular intervals throughout the day. It was hard to decide what approach to take as everyone and their mom seems to have their own opinion about the best way to potty train. We ultimatly decided to go with the preschools approach thinking that consistency is probably the most important aspect. So she is now wearing pull ups with "big girl panties" over them. She is loving it actually. She loves to ask anyone and everyone if they would like to see her big girl panties. This could be a problem......I swear i didn't teach her that!

Please keep praying for us as we brave the world of parenting. It is not easy but I love it!

Spring Break

It has almost been two weeks since Greg and Izabella arrived. I have already fallen in love with them. I have been off since Thursday of last week. This week in spring break in Terre Haute and I took off to spend the week at home. It is going to be soooooo hard to go back to work. I am not looking forward to it at all! Charis and Sam came this last weekend. It was so good to see them, to get to know Sam better, and for them to get to know the kids before they move overseas. I am seriously going to miss them. Thank goodness for technology so we can stay in touch.

Excuse me while I talk about "my children" some more:
Bella is such an adorable little girl. Her laugh is to die for and her little voice can melt my heart! She is very lovable. She loves to sit in your lap and be held. Bedtime is my favorite part of the day. She is so cute when she says, "don't read it, talk about it". She randomly starts singing and will not stop until she has sung all the songs she knows. Then if she is not done she will continue to make up songs with a random hodge-podge of words until she has had her fill of singing. I found a preschool for her and she starts next week. We might as well have bought a freaking car as much as they charge for daycare! Good night! She is in love with Dora and that is really all she will watch on TV. I got her a Dora lunch pale for school with a Dora thermos. It is funny how sneaky I have gotten. I was told by my friend Jaycie that this would happen. It is amazing how I can manipulate her into doing things. I actually added a drop of red food coloring to lemonade and told her it was strawberry lemonade when I knew she would eat her lunch for strawberry lemonade. It worked! I also allowed her to feed the dog a bite of bacon for every bite she took. Poor Dallas, He is going to be obese so that Bella will eat a balanced breakfast. Dallas is doing pretty good with the changes considering he really has gotten the boot to the back yard for most of the day. He growls at them both when they get too rough. Bella is a budding animal abuser. She likes to use Dallas as a punching and kicking bag, not to mention she loves to hit him with things. Dallas loves Greg because Greg likes to play rough with him and lets him sleep in his bed every night.

Greg is am amazing kid! He is independent, confident and personable which has made him quite the popular leader in the neighborhood. He has made a hand full of friends already and wants to play outside often. I am so glad he isn't always in front of the TV. He is adventurous and a little too brave. Ryan has to remind me often that he is a 12 year old boy. I get nervous when he starts jumping ramps with his bike. Although I will not have to worry for a while. This kid loves to build things.......and take things apart. Although he arrived at our house with two totally functioning bikes we now how a porch of bike parts. Greg decided to take his bikes apart after he found a discarded bike frame and got it into his mind that he would replace his with it so that he can sale his for money. It started with only one bike which I had decided to allow but before I new it the second bike had gotten involved without my permission. I guess you could say he will have to learn this lesson the hard way. I think he is sweating a little but I know there are some guys at the church who we be able to help him when he is ready to admit he is in over his head. As "cool" as he is in public he is a very lovable kid at home. He loves to come in our room every night and talk until we "force" him to go to bed. And, no, (don't be a dream crusher!) it has nothing to do with him avoiding bedtime, he just like to be with me! I love to buy the kids gifts. I have little self control. But HOLY COW! it is impossible to buy him anything unless I am prepared to spend $50! I feel old saying this but "when I was a kid" we didn't require all these expensive things! hehe

OK, I seriously have to get some sleep! I am totally exausted these days! Love you all:)

Getting Into the Swing of Things

Things are getting really going here at the Doyle house. The kids are getting settled in and we are getting into a routine. After being baptized by what he calls "poop soup" diapers and a clogged toilet that required more than the plunger to fix, Ryan has turned into quite the "mister mom". We finally have Bella on a sleeping and eating schedule. We really got lucky because she sleep so well. It is nothing for her to sleep from 8 PM until 9AM. Greg is full on energy and I feel bad that he has been cooped up in the house since they got here as it has been raining and Ryan is not comfortable taking them both out yet by himself. He has been taking care of them this week while I have been working. I will be off for ten days starting Thursday. Greg did meet a neighborhood kid today who I set up to come down to the house. I had met the family previously and was excited that her son is 11 and her daughter is 4. I have talked to the mom and she is going to bring her daughter over sometime to meet Bella. We will see how that goes. Bella is doing well at home but she does not do well in public. She was not able to leave my lap on Sunday. It was really difficult and will prevent me from doing my Sunday responsibilities. This is difficult since I am the only singer on the praise team and one of four people in the Easter program in two weekends.

Charis and Sam (Charis is one of my best friends, we grew up together) are coming to visits us this Thursday through Sunday. The trip was planned way before we found out about the kids. They are actually going to stay in a hotel with her dad's points when will help the situation. Plus, we will be able to go swimming at the hotel which Greg is really excited about. I am looking forward to seeing them and hope things go smoothly with the kids while they are here. 'Charis and Sam will be moving overseas soon which means this will most likely be our last time to see them. :( Sad times.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers:)
Teah and Ryan

Finally, they are here!!

So much has happened since my last entry that I hardly know what to write. Looking back of the last week of anguishing anticipation it seems it was more like a month. Good News! Greg and Izabella FINALLY arrived on Friday night. It was not how we would have hoped as they did not drive up to the house until 8:45, an hour and 45 minutes past their previous bedtime.

Greg is a tall, has dark brown hair, blue eyes, and is full of energy (and he would add something about his "big guns"). He really is a good looking kid. So far we have noticed he always has something to say. He is very personal and full of compliments and politeness which suites him well as he is very charming and fun to be around. He loves video games, sports, building and seems to be into anything active. He is currently at an overnight birthday party for a friend he had to leave back at his last placemnt. We were glad to be able to make that happen for him as he was really bummed he was not going to be able to go. Ryan wil pick him up tomorrow evening. He and Ryan are like long lost friends. He loves that Ryan is in to video games and sports and will hang out with him and do these things.

Bella is cute as a button. She was very nervous when she first got here but after a while she warmed up to me and Ryan both and had us carrying her all over the house. She seems to like girly things and the usualy kid things (Blues Clues, Spong Bob, Princesses, Dora...). She is struggling with the loss of her previous foster parents who she calls mom and dad and has lived with for the last year.

It breaks my heart for both of them. I can't imagine being in their shoes. I would probably think I would be taken from this home too. I hope they will come to see that we really want them here and that we really do care. Please continue to pray for us and for them. I have really funny stories to tell later involving Ryan and fecal matter but I am just too exasted to stay awake any longer. Love you all!

Here we go again!

Hello Friends!
Well, we are really learning to role with the punches here. Greg and Bella's arrival date has been pushed back again. No, not kidding. It turns out that now they have to check with the judge before the move takes place. Next they may need to check with the governor and maybe even the president! Seriously, it is so rediculous that they waited to do all of these things after they told us the move was a for sure last week. it is also slightly ironic that we had asked for a week originally and they had told us no and here we are a week later. We really are fine though since we know that it will happen eventually. I had two long conversations with the case worker today who filled me in on more details of the situation and history of these two kids. All we can do is wait and pray that they kids handle the transition well. They have really been through the mill. I can't share details but they have been through so many homes in the last couple of years it would make you cringe. Please pray for them.
Thanks guys:)

False Alarm

It has been a roller coaster of emotions the last couple of days. Although we were told with no possibility of another outcome that we would be parents by 12:30 Monday, when the time came things went very wrong. We got a call at 11 from Sara our Children's Sanctuary case worker (who is our only line of communicating with the kid's DCS case worker) stating the drop off time had been moved back since they were running behind. So we waited...... and waited......... and waited, but no knock on the door or phone call. One thing is for sure, DCS workers do not get the award for being the best communicators. So by 3:30 we could wait no longer. We called Sara and insisted she contact Betty (the kids DCS worker) and find out what was going on. It was the lowest point of the day when Sara called us back and informed us that not only where they waiting on the therapist to give the go ahead on the transfer at 4 but then at 6:30 they were also meeting with the previous foster placement couple to make sure there was nothing they could do to prevent the move. So after begging us to take them, and stating they could not even wait a week so we could prepare they were now telling us that the move may not even happen. WHAT!!! We had spent the entire weekend getting attached to the idea of having these two children join our family and now it felt devastating to possibly loose them. And in addition I don't think I have ever been that angry at anyone. I wanted to get make complaints to every person over that woman and get her fired. Yea, not a normal reaction for me. We felt so helpless. We were so angry and hurt at how cavalier it seemed they were treating this situation and there was no one we could even complain to about it! it sounds to us like our case worker did not follow protocol and when she went to talk to her supervisor about moving the kids she was told she needed to go back and complete missing steps. This left us up a creek at the time.

Thank the Lord the result of the meeting was that everyone agreed the removal should happen, including the previous foster parents and Greg. Of course they it took us calling them again to find that out. it was 8:30 when we finally found out that the placement is for sure going to take place. We were so releaved that we forgot about how mad we were. Since Betty is in a training for the next couple of days she is not able to bring them until Thursday. Again, we are totally excited but now we hate that we are having to wait until Thursday. :( It is so hard to wait.

God did teach us something through this. We now realize how much we really want these two children to be a part of our family. We might be scared but we are sooooo ready for this!
Even though we have been assured that this is a for sure thing this time, I can't help but have a little fear that something might happen again. Please keep praying my friends!
We love you all!

Here are some pictures of the kids rooms I thought you guys might like to see :)

The Big Day....Almost

Greg and Bella were suppose to be here at 12:30 but here we sit. Things got delayed a little but they should still be here later today. So after three days of frantically trying to get everything done here we sit twiddling our thumbs. The house is so clean that we could pass a hospital inspection. The rooms are set up as much as possible considering we know so little about the kids. The medicine cabinet is stocked for cough, cold, stomach ache, open wound, or basically anything that would not require an emergency room visit. I have safety proofed everything I possibly can, and I have a enough food to feed all the neighbors let a lone two children. So here I sit with nothing else to do but get more nervous!
I have had Ryan working non stop on a never ending "honey do list". He has been awesome! He has worked so hard so that the house would be to my standard even though his standard is so much different then mine. He could care less if every closet in the house has been reorganized or if the kids both have a laundry basket. Poor man didn't know what to do when I sporadically broke into tears for no clear reason. I know he must have questioned my sanity at times. I still can't believe we got done with what we have in the last couple of days. It truly is a miracle that we are still standing. Thanks to the Collins' and the Moffett's for the help.

I promise to Blog more so that you will all know how things are going. I am sorry to say I will not be allowed to put pictures of Greg or Bella on the Blog. (one of the foster care rules). We really do appreciate your thoughts and prayer, keep those prayers going!

Just when you think you understand where life is heading you turn a corner.

We have turned a corner and found that the years of trying to start a family were not nearly as far away as we thought they would be. They are NOW! And they are much different then we thought they would be. We haven't yet started the embryo adoption process offcially although we both continue to think this is something God wants us to think about in the future. No, it seems that God had something completely different in mind for us right now. I am excited to announce that Ryan and I will have two foster children coming to live with us. When the need presented itself yesterday both Ryan and I immediately felt God's urging which is weird since we both thought He was leading us toward embryo adoption. I am beyond trying to figure it out and just thank God for this gift and pray for Him to continue to reveal His Will to us one day at a time.

So............now we are trying to prepare for this huge change. They will be moving in on MONDAY! I know, right?! That is reeeeeeally soon. We only have this weekend to set up their rooms and get the house perfect so that it meets all the foster care safety requirements. It has all happened so fast but in just two days the decision was made and we have made a commitment to care for these children; Greg, 12-yrs-old and Bella, 3-yrs-old. We don't know a lot about their background but like most foster children they have been through more in their short years than most people will in their entire life. Their parents rights have been terminated for a while now so they no longer see any of their biological family members. We have heard that they are very close to each other and that Greg is very protective of his sister.

We are really excited.........ok so we are freaking out! We really need your prayers as we have been on our own for a while and know this change will be difficult in many ways as we will be saying goodbye to many freedoms and facing new parent struggles. We also would appreciate prayer for Greg and Bella as this is their fourth placement and each one has torn a little more from them. We pray that their transition into our home, church, and new school will be as smooth as possible. I pray that God will give them comfort and work through us to show the love that can only come from Him.

We love you all and thank you for your prayers and support.
Ryan and Teah

Gathering

Hello everyone,
I wanted to give you all an update of what is going on with our adoption. We are in what I am going to call the "gathering" stage. We are still gathering all of the information about logistics and financing that we need before we actually put down our deposit to begin.
I have been looking into grants and fundraiser ideas. There are so many financing options out there for adoption but when it comes to embryo adoption it gets kind of sticky since it is a big debate in our country today regarding the beginning of life.
It is easy to get sucked into all the things that make this more difficult then adopting a live child but I pray God protects us from this as I know Satan is trying to attack us every day. We believe the Lord has a plan for each human life, even the ones that are frozen in the embryo stage and I pray one day God will use our family as a testimony to this. Please pray for us as we continue to fight this battle. We love you all and thank you for your love and support.

Embryo Adoption

It has been a year since we found out about Ryan's sterility. A year full of heartache, loss, frustration, and confusion as we have searched for God's Will for our family. But as always God's love endures forever and through even the most painful things. Ryan and I finally feel that God has given us a clear direction.

We have decided on pursuing embryo adoption. Due to the huge influx of people using IVF and other fertility procedures there are estimated 500,000 frozen humans in the US today. Our hearts are broken for each human baby who sits waiting for a chance at life. We know that the Lord Jesus created and cares for each one of them. We want to do our part in giving these lives a chance to be born and to fullfill their purpose for existance, to glorifiy the Lord. God has giving us both the same peaceful feeling to move forward.

Basically we will choose a set of embryos, then have them implanted into me. Yes, this means my previously given up dream of carrying a child may be a reality. There is no grantee that I will conceive, of course. That part is scary as we have already been through so much emotionally. Since conception is not guaranteed this also leads to the risk of financial loss. This is scary also as we are depending on God to provide financially for this process. We are filled with excited and anxious feelings as we take a step of faith and give our fears over to God.

We have no idea about the time frame at this point but promise to keep everyone up to date. Your prayers are coveted regarding the emotional, medical and financial aspects.
Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us over the last year.