5 months

I can't believe it has been five months since the kids joined our family! At the same time I can hardly remember life without them. Things have continued to go so well with the transition for everyone. Greg started back to school a couple of weeks ago so he is now in the sixth grade! It really feels weird to have a preteen. We are struggling a little with the increase in homework and the difficulty of the schoolwork but he is staying tough and it done. Greg is also on the football team. It is a huge time commitment and tons of work on his part but he is LOVING it. I was so proud to see him playing today in the game. I am hopelessly stupid when it comes to football but I do my best to keep up with what is going on. He plays defensive tackle and his coach told him this week that he is the best defensive tackle on the team right now. Of course, I am biased but I think he looks great out there on the field. Today he was able to get the ball when it was fumbled from the other team. That probably has some kind of football term but I don't know what it is. I didn't have to understand anything to know it was good though because Greg jumped on the field with the ball and leaped in victory back to the sidelines where he high-fived his coach! It was great to watch him so excited! Of course Ryan is ecstatic that he has a son who loves football just like he did.
Bella who was officially potty trained at the end of June was able to graduate to the big girl class at preschool. She did pretty well with the transition and loves her new teacher, Mrs. Libby. We will be starting KinderMusic next week. For those of you who have never heard of it, it is basically a music class for children birth - 7. At Bella's age I go with her. The class uses music, instruments and movement. The class is really beneficial for development, moto skills, bonding and of course learning all about music. I went to the parent orientation last week and got the CD of music we will be using this year. Bella loves it. We have been dancing around in the kitchen when I cook dinner each night making up silly things to the music. I can't wait to see what she does in class. She is also set to begin her first Ballet class in September. I know we are going to be busy with all of these activites but I know the kids love them so much we are going to try it and see how it goes. Regardless, it will be a fun ride:)

Greif Continued

It is strange how grief works. After a lifetime of memories with someone we go to only days of funeral proceedings (if that), before resuming our everyday life again. It just doesn't seem to be enough to honor those we love. It is weird how much it seems to make us forget sometimes when we get all wrapped up in everyday life again. There are times you forget your sorrow. The extent of this depends on how often you were around your lost loved one before they passed. Obviously, I did not see my grandmother very much since I moved to Indiana four years ago so when I came back from the funeral it was easy for me to throw myself back into my busy life with plenty of things to distract me from the hole inside. But it was still there…….waiting to be noticed. Then when I least expect it the hole makes itself known, usually triggered by some kind of smell, sound or sight. Seeing a group of older women having lunch together reminds me of her and how she loved to socialize. I pictured her with her purse on her arm having lunch with her girlfriends. I can see her smiling in my head as she laughs and eats something sweet. I will be at church as the familiar notes of a new hymn begin. I can see her singing out as she stands in the pew. She wasn’t gifted with a great voice but that didn’t matter. It makes me laugh to remember her listening to my ipod a couple of years ago and see her as she sang so loud with the head phones on. I have no idea what song it was but she was having a blast. The quilt she made me is on my bed. It has the little tag saying, “Made with love by Grandmother”. In every room of my house there are traces of her even though she never was able to see my house. I have a picture of her and I in the living room. I love that picture. It is the love and kindness in her eyes. The picture captured it so well. I can remember just what her hands and feet look like and how she walked. But every time I think of any of these things I feel that emptiness and it makes me sad. I wonder when these memories will make me happy. Isn’t that what is suppose to happen after a while? But right now I never feel anything but pain when I think of her. Whenever I think of Memaw it inevitable makes me remember Pepaw and I feel the crushing pain of worry creep in. Thinking of him in the house alone every night. Is he lonely, sad, crying? I HATE that I can’t be there to be with him. I pray hard that God will bring him peace and remind him of all the people that love him. I think the hardest thing is when I think of how much she would have loved Bella. She, ofcourse, would have loved Greg also but she would have loved the little girl in Bella. I tell Bella about her and show her pictures but it grieves me so much that she will never get to meet her great grandmother who was so special and important to me. She never will really understand. Memaw would have loved to make her clothes, shop for her, snuggle with her and sing songs with her. And Bella would have loved her. It is my biggest regret that I was not able to give her a grandchild before she died. I know it is no fault of mine but I can’t help but be a little annoyed with God that He didn’t let her at least meet Bella and Greg.

I know so many of you guys have lost loved ones. I know we can never really completely understand each others circumstances but I feel that I empathize with you in a whole new way. I get it….I really do and there are no words to say that will truly describe the depth of the feeling. I miss her so much it hurts like nothing I have ever experienced. But just when I start to feel the hole of hopelessness I remember I will see her again. I can’t believe I actually forget that sometimes. I think it is this world. It seems to pull me into itself and make me forget the bigger picture…the end of the story. I know that Jesus will care for me and I know He is taking care of her now. There is truly nothing else that could comfort me but the knowledge of Him at this moment. Praise you Lord, thank you for your everlasting presence and omniscient strength. Without it I would surly die of a broken heart.

Adoption

Hey Guys!
I know it have been forever since I have posted anything but seriously life has been crazy! Although sometimes I am so tired I feel like I just might die, I am totally loving being a mom. Nothing could have prepared me for this. I am totally and completely in love with my two children! I am so annoyed that I can't post pictures on my blog to show them off but as I said before we are not allowed to publish any until they are officially adopted.

Adoption update:
A lot of people have asked us when the adoption will go through. OK, first of all you can all go ahead and act as if it has already happened because in our hearts these kids were adopted before we even met them. I know that has to sound weird but we committed to God and ourselves that we would see this through no matter what happens. And it seems that God has blessed that commitment because we have been so blessed by Greg and Bella in so many ways. Our dreams of having a family have really come true, and so quickly! So for all intensive purposes they are already adopted in our hearts. But legally they still are in the custody of the state and we want to make sure we remedy that as soon as possible. We were told that we can not start the process until they have been with us for 6 months. However, we have already started the research for it. We want to make sure the kids get everything they qualify for in terms of college and other benefits. Especially Greg who will need to think about college in 6 years! Wow, that is scary! We are working with the CASA worker and will be appointed a lawyer when the time comes to make sure everything goes smoothly. I can't give any specific times lines or anything but I would think that we would have everything finalized within the year. That seems long in many ways but we also want to take emotional concerns into cosideration, especially for Greg. We want to make sure he is ready.

I will make sure to send updates about the adoption as it happens. If you want to see some pictures please let me know and I can email you some:)

Hope you are all doingwell:)